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Finding your real parents

F
13
Question in full: When you are adopted how old do you have to be to decide you want to see your real mum and dad without anyone else being there or knowing??
Dear 13 year old girl wanting to know about adoption. If you are adopted and you want to make contact with your birth mum and dad without your adoptive parents agreeing, you have to be over 18. The first stage in tracing your birth parents is to go through the Adoption Contact Register, which you can do online when you are 18 or over. You can try to make contact before then, but your parents would have to be involved. Have you spoken to your mum or dad about wanting to find your birth parents? If they have told you that you are adopted, then they are probably expecting you to be curious eventually, and might take it better than you think. Tracing your birth parents is a very emotional thing, and could lead you to find out things that you wish you hadn’t. Giving up a child for adoption is an extremely difficult thing to do, so your birth mum and dad must have had a very good reason. You must also prepare yourself for the fact that they might refuse to meet you which could be very upsetting. Going through a process as emotional as this needs support, and the best people to give you that support is probably your family. If you really don’t think you can ask them, then talk to a teacher or school counsellor, or another adult you trust. Good luck.